Melancholy Holidays |

by Nathan Marchand
December 2, 2016

grumpychristmas Holidays are often melancholy times for me. Not just Thanksgiving and Christmas, but most holidays throughout the year. The only one that had managed to avoid this stigma was Halloween, but as of this year, it has now been tarnished—my grandmother, Ruth Sitton, died at age 94 October 31, 2016. She was my last grandparent, so, you could say, I’m a “grand-orphan” now. You can read my tribute to her here on my own blog.

Sadly, holidays have either been the days marking tragedies in my life or they serve as reminders of what I don’t have. When I was 12 years old, my Grandfather, Max Sitton (Ruth’s husband, obviously) died suddenly two days before Christmas. He and Grandma Ruth had just finished eating breakfast at a restaurant before coming to visit me and my family, as they always did, before having the big family gathering on Christmas Day. For many years, my Mom had difficulty celebrating Christmas because she associated it with her father’s death. She kept expecting other tragedies to befall the family around Christmastime. Unfortunately, that did happen. Five years ago, I was dumped by my then-girlfriend over the phone two days before Christmas. She was the first girlfriend I’d had close to the holiday season.

Because the patriarchs on both sides of my family have died, my extended families only get together on rare occasions. In fact, it often takes funerals to get us together. My mother’s side has been better about meeting together, but it still doesn’t happen as often as I’d like. It was a Thanksgiving tradition to visit my Dad’s side of the family at his parents’ house, but that went by the wayside when they died. Every year I hear people excitedly talking about seeing family—some of whom they only see at times like this—for the holidays, and it saddens me because my family just stays home.

It wouldn’t be so bad if my little branch of the family was, well, branching out. However, without going into detail, my immediate family has been dealing with a schism, which has left it divided. The holidays are when that division becomes most obvious and painful.

Then there’s the fact that I’m single. The holidays are often the times when one’s extended family meets your significant other, so they can see how they’d fit into the family. It’s a way to lay the groundwork for an expansion of the family. Plus, who doesn’t love doing holiday activities with your other half? Holidays are strangely romantic (even Halloween—yes, I know, I’m weird). But I’m alone. I watch others celebrate with their special someone—some even proposing at the holidays—and all I can do is imagine what that would be like. As bad as Thanksgiving and Christmas are when it comes to loneliness, don’t even get me started on the dreaded Valentine’s Day. I’ll rant for hours.

Something I’ve realized about myself is I’m sensitive to loneliness, There’ve been times in my life where I felt abandoned or betrayed by friends and/or family. Sometimes it was because life happened and we drifted apart. Other times, as I’ve said, it was deliberate. When those losses happen on or around special times, it not only sours the day, it often aggravates the sadness. Holidays have been shown to increase depression for many reasons. In my case, I feel lonelier.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families
he leads out the prisoners with singing
Psalm 68:5-6a

Verses like this are comforting, if also a little sad. I’ve been blessed with a loving immediate family and wonderful friends (like my Children of the Wells cohorts) who always welcome me with open arms at the holidays. But I know not everyone has that. Holidays are not only times to celebrate, but opportunities to reach out. You or I can be the friend or family someone needs at times like these. It lets them know they aren’t alone, that they can still be included.

What greater gift could you give someone than companionship?