Archive

104 Days of Boredom

By Natasha Hayden
July 1, 2016

A couple years ago, my family was introduced to Perry the Platypus, his evil(?) nemesis, and 104 days of summer vacation. It was glorious! From the 3-year-old to the 33-year-old, we all loved it. Still do.

"I know what we're going to do today, Ferb!" From Disney XD website

“I know what we’re going to do today, Ferb!”
From Disney XD website

But I always wondered…from what calendar did they come up with 104 days of summer vacation? (I suppose, if that’s the only thing that had me scratching my head, there’s something wrong with my logic.) It certainly wasn’t from Indiana’s! In our county, we’re lucky to get 66, and the push seems to be for school year-round. Why?

What’s wrong with a good ol’ lazy, long summer? What’s wrong with ditching the books and hours of boredom? You certainly don’t see Phineas and Ferb doing homework (unless they’re reading a building manual). While I wouldn’t generally take my notes from a cartoon…why don’t we for a moment? (more…)

A Perfect Failure

By Natasha Hayden
April 29, 2016

I’m back! After months of silence and a lot of change (Baby #3 is three months old already!), I’m venturing to contribute more than just baby pics to the web world. In thinking about what I might say on this very unnoteworthy occasion, I’ve been reflecting on what is meaningful to me of late. Clearly, family would be near the top of that list, and Children of the Wells…perhaps not so near.

forgottenwayIn preparation for Easter this year, during the time of Lent, rather than sacrifice something, I spent some time in a devotional book written by my favorite fiction author, Ted Dekker. His message in The Forgotten Way is simple but profound and profoundly different from society’s way of thinking. Essentially, it’s this: my identity is not based on what I do or the costumes, as he puts it, that I wear in life. My identity is not writer, mother, wife, daughter, or any other role that I play. Those are just that: roles. My identity goes much deeper. Who I really am is not how I or anyone else sees me; it is how God sees me. And because I am His, bought with the blood of his son, Jesus, I am His perfect creation, made in His likeness, complete and completely loved, not condemned. Even my body, though special and made by God, is not who I am but just the vessel for the real me, which is spirit. (more…)

Personal Reflections on a Year of Change

By Natasha Hayden
October 2, 2015

It is barely October (my favorite month!), but for many reasons, I have been looking back over this year and the challenges and changes my family has gone through.

In January, our contentment and happiness was rocked by a sledding accident that put my three-year-old daughter in the hospital with potential brain damage. I was deeply shaken, wondering if the rest of our lives would be different. But the bleed into her brain dissipated with no obvious lasting physical effects. The emotional trauma lingered a little longer and will, perhaps, stay with her father and me for a long time to come.

In May, after a year of wondering and waiting, I found that I was pregnant with our third child. It wasn’t an easy decision to make to have a third. We already had a boy and a girl. Our small two-room house fit us, and we were getting close to paying it off. I wavered back and forth about whether or not I wanted a baby. Ultimately, it wasn’t up to us. We struggled to get pregnant with our first child, and this time, we had some trouble again. We left it in God’s hands, and he decided it for us…about a year after we thought we were ready.

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The Hayden Family

In August, we became more serious about looking into new houses, and in the space of one very interesting week, we found a house, got our initial paperwork in order with the bank, made an offer, and began the process of closing. That process is nearing completion now, about a month later, and soon, we will be moving from our home of 12 years, a thought that brings both excitement and melancholy.

Last week, I watched my cat Chewbacca, who’s lived with me nearly as long as my husband, fight his last days of a disease I didn’t even know he had and be euthanized before my eyes, his little body stilling under my hand.

I laugh (and cry a little) to think that I had hoped for a less eventful year at the close of 2014. This one’s not even over yet, and ahead, I know there are expected joys and unexpected losses, blessing and pain all mingled together so that sometimes it is hard to tell one from the other. Such is life. We can prepare all we want, but only God knows what’s in store for us.

This is illustrated so well in even that first moment we draw breath into our lungs. No matter how much a mother prepares for the birth of her child, when labor hits, she has to go with the flow. I wanted to try a natural birth with my oldest, but I had gestational diabetes and had to be induced and ended up with an epidural, thank God, and that’s just how it goes.

As I’ve shared before, two of my pregnancies ended in miscarriage, and a little bit of that fear that my children’s lives are out of my control has remained with me ever since. I can no more protect my children now than I could at their conception and birth, as I was so strongly reminded in January and again, a few weeks ago, when my five-year-old son ran a kid-size motorcycle into a tree, five feet away from a lake. He walked away, but part of my heart still beats on the ground where I stood. We plan and plan and live in frustration when control inevitably slips from our hands.

On these contemplations, I venture into the last quarter of the year, preparing as best I can for a future that is, really, out of my control. But one thing I know for certain: God has brought me through so much and will bring me through the rest, little scrapes and lifelong changes all. I can trust in his control. I might rather remain in comfort and security, going at a slower pace than the rest, but contentment is found in letting go amidst the chaos and knowing he will catch me wherever I fall.

The Allure of the Dark

By Natasha Hayden
July 3, 2015

Our library is having a superhero-themed summer of reading, where even the adults get to participate a little. For an entry into the grand prize drawing, I had to write a tiny paragraph about who my favorite superhero is and why I like him/her. I will also get to do the same with my favorite villain. I found it hard to pick my favorite superhero and explain in 20 or so words why. I ultimately picked Batman and Green Arrow, similar characters who thrive on their thirst for justice, their ingenuity, and their own human skills and strength. Characters who must hide their goodness behind the masks of rich, shallow, uncaring men, when they are really anything but. I admit, my understanding of these characters is based almost solely on Christian Bale’s movies and Stephen Amell’s TV portrayals, but their interpretations have impressed me. Daredevil from the dark, gritty Netflix show is growing on my list of favorites now, too, though he’s a bit of a different sort of character (not rich, and possessing super-senses my other fav’s don’t).

Oliver McQueen. (Not Jaysynn) From arrow.wikia.com

Oliver Queen aka Arrow. (Not Jaysynn) From arrow.wikia.com

Though Daredevil is possibly the darkest of the superheroes (his show is, anyway), Green Arrow and Batman go to dark places, as well. While Superman is all light and Wonder Woman is truth, these others are creatures of the night and shadows, vigilantes in cities that are more corrupt than not, administering justice according to their own rules and laws. Is it right? Is it moral? What I like about these characters, especially Arrow and Daredevil, is that they struggle with these questions but are always guided by an internal moral compass that points straight and true. You know that whichever way they choose, they will always save lives and the bad guys will pay.

But the question the library posed got me thinking, what is it about the dark that is so appealing? Why do I like Batman more than Superman? And why are the villains in stories some of the most interesting, compelling characters? What’s so fascinating about Lex Luthor in TV’s Smallville? Why is Regina, the Evil Queen, my favorite character in Once Upon a Time? Why is Loki, a villain, one of the most fun characters in the first Avengers movie?

Is there something wrong with me, or with all of us as a culture, that the dark overshadows the light? I think the answer is both “yes” and “no.” Our culture does gravitate toward darkness and evil, and it is not a healthy fascination. Witches and vampires and other mythological creatures, once purely evil, are now sympathetic, beautiful beings. I do find it interesting that to make them more palatable, we create goodness in them, but the allure of their power is what really attracts us, and power can be a dangerous, corrupting force. There’s a danger, too, in thinking that all dark heroes are above corruption, that somehow they are inhumanly able to shut out the darkness while living in the midst of it…because when we begin to emulate them, we will find we are not so incorruptible.

But is all shadow evil and irredeemable? Perhaps not. Though the show doesn’t share my Christian worldview, my favorite example of this is Regina in Once Upon a Time. She has become the show’s moral center, and she began as the most evil one of all. Love changed her, and though she’s still tempted by the dark side and still rough around the edges, she’s the voice of reason when the show’s supposed heroes are making very unheroic choices. Basically, she’s a balanced human being. She feels the pull of evil, knows its destructiveness, has learned from her mistakes, and chooses to live in the light, even though she would be more powerful in the dark. And isn’t that the choice we have before us every day? To rise above our mistakes and choose light, even when we live in dark times. To be light, even though our souls might be smudged by dark.

I think we gravitate toward the dark because it’s familiar. We more fully understand a heart torn in two directions than one guided purely by light and goodness. Superman is above all of us, but there’s a little Batman in each of us.

Anyway, that’s one simplistic way to explain my own fascination with the dark. I believe we should be aware of what we are absorbing in our entertainment and aware of how it affects our moral compass, and so, as you absorb our own stories on Children of the Wells, where we have our own brand of superhero, I implore you to think. In all that you read or watch, I implore you to do just that: think. Don’t go mindlessly into the dark.

A Writer Mom’s Reflections: Heartache and Hope

By Natasha Hayden
May 15, 2015

Natasha as Mama.

Natasha as Mama.

Mother’s Day is a special day, of course, a day to receive little tokens of appreciation from our children or to tell our own mothers how much they mean to us. But I’ve discovered, as a mother of five-plus years now, that there can be a bit of sadness about the holiday, too. Sometimes that sadness is because our mothers are not near or not even on this earth anymore. Sometimes it’s because certain hard memories are associated with the day or simply because we’ve been disappointed in the past. Often it’s because of our wants: our petty desires or our deep longings, both.

Mother’s Day comes with all these complicated emotions because it celebrates something that is life-changing and all-encompassing. Evidence of such change in my own life was that when I became a mother, I found I had a hard time writing stories about anything else, processing my reality through fiction. For example, I once wrote a story about a spy mother leading a double life (like Amira in Jaysynn’s story, though I cannot claim authorship of that); it contained bits of reality from my own life (not the spy part, sadly!). The short story I did write for CotW is also about a mother, one with regrets.

The story I am hesitantly sharing with you in this blog is one far more personal than those. I wrote it more than five years ago, during a time of my life when Mother’s Days were dismal, when the deep longing of my heart was to be a mother and when more than two years of trying ended in two miscarriages. It depicts pretty much what happened to me the first time I was pregnant, with only names and minor details changed (or cut for modesty’s sake). I wrote it to remember, and I give it to all the mothers who grieve and all the mothers who were meant to be but aren’t. It’s not happy. It’s not meant to be. It’s meant to make a connection, to let you know, if you have experienced loss or emptiness, that you are not alone. And while another happy, commercialized holiday passes us by, let’s be real a minute. Life–motherhood being just one aspect of that–is tough, and sometimes you just need someone else to shoulder the load a bit and hold your hand while you cry.

[Disclaimer: The story linked here may not be for everyone. It contains details straight out of my journal and is occasionally mildly graphic, from doctor’s exams to bathroom scenes. I believe I have censored the most offending sections and apologize if it is not enough. Read at your own discretion.]

Perhaps this seems like a strange story to share with you, our readers at Children of the Wells. It’s not that we relish telling depressing tales (right, Nick?). We’re more about reflecting all of life, ups and downs, about shining hope into the darkest night. As you read, you will find sadness, even despair, but we want our stories to reveal a way to live through and beyond it, something I’ve noticed the modern story often lacks. We aim to strike closer to the truth, which isn’t about attaining an ideal or fatalistically accepting what life hands you. Whether you read my personal story, linked above, or the fictional stories we create for CotW, you will find honesty, raw and aching but also beautiful, hopeful. A mirror of motherhood, I think, but also a reflection of the daily struggle of life on Earth.

Natasha’s Shelf is Exploding with Good Reads!

By Natasha Hayden
March 5, 2015

This month we are blogging about some of the latest and best of what we’ve been reading, which is right up my alley. I review just about everything I read on my blog natashasshelf.blogspot.com, though I am behind by about three books. Of the last five books I’ve read, I’ve rated four of them four or five stars. They’ve been so good lately I’ve just kept reading without reviewing, so some of these reviews are making their first appearance here before my blog. I think my reading thus far this year has been varied enough (though, admittedly, still mostly young adult fiction) that there ought to be something below that appeals to you. (more…)

Looking Back, Looking Forward

A new year is nigh, so we at Children of the Wells wanted to collect some of the thoughts on our mind as 2015 approaches. Enjoy a little look into our end-of-year psyches.

Natasha:

nat_profileThe best book I read this year was, surprisingly, not a YA novel but the biography Unbroken, which I also saw in the theater when it came out on Christmas Day. Just FYI, the movie is not at all exaggerated and, in fact, tones down what Louis Zamperini went through, surviving weeks on a raft at sea only to end up tortured in a Japanese POW camp. It’s just such an incredible story. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly encourage you to do so.

I also recently rewatched the classic movie It’s a Wonderful Life. It had been a few years since my last viewing, and I’m not sure I’d ever been quite so touched as I was this time around. Maybe it’s that I now have kids, I don’t know. I definitely see the world differently than I used to. George Bailey’s feelings of failure really resonated with me (I’m ruining my children!) while, at the same time, I could see the bigger picture and the personal sacrifices he made to help others. It’s so interesting to think of how the world we live in might be different with the total absence of even just one of us. One life affects so many, and whether that’s positive or negative is up to us.

Put these two stories together, one theoretical and one actual but both resounding with truth, and you have a powerfully inspiring and hopeful message. It’s a good way to end one year, putting the mistakes of the past behind you, and find inspiration for another. (more…)

When Santa Moves In

By Natasha Hayden
December 11, 2014

Santa Claus did not come to my house when I was a kid. I don’t remember having any feelings about Santa Claus one way or the other, actually, because we celebrated Christmas differently. I come from a rich Christian heritage. My grandfather on one side was a pastor. My Opa on the other side was a missionary and Bible translator. My parents are missionaries, and I grew up on the mission field from ages 7-16.

We had interesting Christmas traditions like opening presents on January 6th, the day on which the Church observes the wise men’s presentation of gifts to Jesus. (I do remember that being quite a trial. It might as well have been two months instead of two weeks!) My dad preferred anything but a normal Christmas tree. At least one year, we had a gigantic live wreath suspended from our ceiling by ropes, a sort of hanging advent wreath. And Christmas stockings? I had one of those one year. I didn’t know what to do with it except fill it with homemade presents I intended to give to other people. I’d empty it sometimes to see what I’d collected, and that’s how I discovered a little surprise from my mom that I wasn’t supposed to see until Christmas.

When we moved to Brazil, there wasn’t even any snow to get us in the festive spirit. Nope, just 90 degrees and 100% humidity. In fact, if we celebrated any Christmases in Brazil, I don’t remember them. I remember more the times we visited family back in the United States or even Peru, South America (where the one set of grandparents were missionaries), for the holidays. Christmas was a time when family gathered. What we did didn’t so much matter as being together. And you know what? In all that, I didn’t really miss Santa.

But now it’s different. (more…)

Audio Preview of ‘At Any Cost’

By Natasha Hayden
September 18, 2014

destinies-entwined2As you wait for the release of New Wells Rising, our latest Jaysynn story, by Timothy Deal, (very, very soon!), I thought I’d remind you of some of our extra content. Our first five novellas from our two storylines have bonus stories that accompany them, collected in a volume titled Destinies Entwined. Though not strictly part of Bron and Calea’s or Jaysynn’s stories, they are glimmers that might give you insight into their world.

For instance, did you ever wonder how the Emperor of Thyrion could have six out of his seven children be Select when Selection is random and limited to a mere five percent of the populace? Nick Hayden’s short story “The Firstborn” answers that. And closely related is my own story (the only thing I’ve written for Children of the Wells, so you must read it!), “At Any Cost,” about a scientist forced into religion and the huge sacrifices she makes. (Remember the hermit’s cottage in The Doctor’s Assistant? This story answers how it got there and makes a few surprising connections.) In fact, I want you to read my story so much that I’ve recorded the beginning of it here to whet your appetite. If you like it, you can “buy” the ebook for whatever amount you wish (minimum donation is $0, you do the math) here.

Enjoy!

What’s the Big Deal About Summer?

By Natasha Hayden
July 10, 2014

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photo credit: wwnorm via photopin cc

Here’s what my summer looks like. My preschooler’s first year of school ended on an early day in June. That same day, we left on a five-day camping trip. The week we were back, we celebrated three extended family birthdays and Father’s Day as well as the beginning of the soccer World Cup (When you grow up in Brazil, soccer gets in your blood.). The next weekend, we celebrated another family birthday, and the weekend after that, I had a Taekwondo event I couldn’t miss and several other events I did miss due to the impossibility of being two places at once. This past weekend, we celebrated the Fourth of July, on which we had an extended family garage sale, and a wedding. The summer is already halfway over.

Next week is the fair. The week after that, my husband will be at Momentum, a youth conference, so I will have the kids all to myself. Incidentally, Vacation Bible School is that week. The next week, we will be going on yet another camping trip, this time with my husband’s family. The week after that, I will be taking the kids by myself (because my husband can’t take three weeks in a row off work…obviously) out of state to visit my parents who are themselves going to be briefly visiting the United States from Brazil, where they live as missionaries. When we finally make it home for good, school starts again.

In all this craziness, we have tried to find time to go swimming, take care of our garden which will soon be exploding with more produce than I could reasonably prepare in a normal (read: non-summer) week, search out garage sales, pick strawberries, and do other outdoor activities we can’t do during the 10 months school is in session, noting also that the majority of those months (particularly this last winter), any outdoor activities that don’t involve snow are closed for the “season.”

Let’s rethink this whole summer thing. (more…)